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In the Shoes of an Aspie

Note: This is my experiences and thoughts on what it is like to be an Aspie. I understand others have their own experiences and opinions and I respect them for that. The reason I wrote this was a hope that those who read this gain some understanding as to how people with Asperger's live their lives. However each person is unique so their behaviour and way of life may be different to mine.


I wake to the sound of my alarm going off. I groan Ugh not again... I grope for my mobile and switch it off; the alarm is rather noisy. Here I go again; having to put on that masquerade; going undercover yet again. If only people would just understand what it is like to live the way I and many others like me have to live each and every day…..


Just imagine yourself living in a world where you see and deal with everything differently. Put yourself in the shoes of an Aspie; a person with Asperger's Syndrome. It's a high-functioning form of Autism. It's hard to live every day with neurotypical people (aka the normal people). You have to pretend and act like one just to fit in each and every day. It becomes tiring. Just imagine hearing everything every day and having to somehow immerse yourself into it. It's hard to focus when everybody is blabbering continuously. Imagine trying to speak out but being unable to express yourself in the "proper" way. It is hard to fit in as people single you out just because you're different and you wonder why they do this to you. You wonder why is it always me? Is it because you've done something wrong unintentionally? Or is it something else? I have had many people bully me, single me out and call me names. It does hurt but you learn to heal your scars and deal with it. All through primary school I used to get the painful jolts in the sides of my ribs until I lost it and kicked one in the leg. I now never let anyone touch my sides, back or neck just because of what some girls thought was fun.

Imagine you have trouble controlling your emotions… Doing all that school work and other things such as instrument practise, co-curricular and sports along with everything else that happens to you both at school, on the net and at home. There is no place for refuge and eventually the stress and frustration of it all; of holding your explosive anger back just gets too much for you and you have to let it out. The next time something happens; you let all your anger out. You are like a bomb that is waiting to detonate and you explode with long suppressed frustration, stress and anger. You scream and lash out at anyone who is near you. You cannot control yourself. You scream at them to stop it; then collapse to the ground in a heap shaking from the exertion of the overwhelming emotions. You are crying through it all and your racking sobs can be heard from a distance away. When you finally settle down; people apologise to you and explain they never knew. You wonder why couldn't they just understand? Why couldn't they just listen with more than their ears for once? People question you about why that outburst happened. You try to talk but your mouth is immobile no matter what you do. You think what you are trying to say however, when your lips finally move; you say something completely different to what you wanted to say. Some may call these outbursts meltdowns or breakdowns. Aspies frequently have them.

I find it hard to communicate my emotions and when this happens I just can't control myself and I fear that I may hurt someone. It just gets all too much for me to handle and I just have to let it all out. You see, we Aspies have long term memories; especially when bad things happen to us. We remember all the bad, the frustrating and stressful experiences which can make us moody and easily aggravated. When this happens, we tend to escape the real life and lock ourselves away in places of refuge such as books, the internet, movies, music, but for me it's mostly games. You can escape yourself and just play the game; immerse yourself into the storyline and imagine yourself in the screen swinging that lightsaber - killing everything in your wake……

The feelings of others are... absorbed by Aspies. Imagine being in the middle of an argument that you had no part of. All that tension, anger, frustration in the air - that aura of all those negative feelings affect you and you just become overwhelmed with too many emotions. The only way you can escape from it all is to either leave which most of the time is next to impossible or just let all the emotions out of you. So you snap and a lump of frustration forms in the back of your throat. It is next to impossible for an Aspie to quell an outburst or oncoming meltdown.

The world may be like a warzone for an Aspie but we do have many great and advantageous abilities as well as experiences. Our heightened senses enable us to hear, see and feel what neurotypical people cannot. This does add on to our increased stress but it does help us too. We have excellent memories, an above average IQ and single-mindedness. When we are focused on a certain task (especially the ones we love), we can do it without becoming distracted; especially when we are listening to just plain music. When I listen to music I can focus on what I am doing much better; be it talking, doing work or playing games; I can work and concentrate much more efficiently. Due to our brains being 'wired' differently we can upload and download much information and recall it just about whenever we want. Some Aspies can even read a whole extract from a book! How handy would that be in an exam! An Aspie tends to also have an unusual obsession be it movies, gaming, anime or even a type of rock! For me it's gaming, books, supernatural, mythology and science fiction.

Although the social skills of an Aspie are not top-notch and have trouble communicating and reading body language, other's feelings and verbal hints and pointers. Those who become friends with an Aspie are in for a unique and fantastic friendship; if they understand us. An Aspie can be a very loyal, trustworthy and honest friend who tries to help their friends when they're in trouble and cheers them up in whatever way they can when upset. Whoever treats an Aspie or their friends badly has an angered and vengeful Aspie in their hands to deal with. As a general guideline to those who don't understand: be kind to an Aspie and they will be kind in turn.

I am sick to death of change; I have been changing my whole life and I wish that it would stop but you cannot stop change. It makes us who we are and makes us unique in ways we cannot imagine. I try to change but life and everything else just gets too much for me. Luckily I have two extremely loyal, considerate and trustworthy friends that understand me, stand up for me and try help me in my times of need. They keep me happy and sane and in turn, I try doing the same for them as well.

If you and I could make the world understand about Asperger's Syndrome; the world would be a much better place and Aspies wouldn't have to hide their true self under a fake 'normal' skin…. Let us make them accept the fact we are out there and there is nothing that can change that. Asperger's is a part of our identity that cannot be erased so let us try to convince the world to accept us for who we are and respect that we - like everybody else on this planet - is different.


I get up out of bed feeling refreshed and ready to start anew. No more hiding who I truly am. I'm going to let the world know that I'm an Aspie and proud to be one!
This is something I wrote a while ago. I am constantly angered by the fact that people just can't bring themselves to understand us Aspies. Most do sympathise but I want more than their sympathy. I just want them to simply understand.
I am an Aspie and I am proud to be one.
If you can't stand me. Call me what you want. I have already been scarred before. I bear many scars both mentally and physically.
I have had enough and I've made a stand.

I hope those who read this gain some understanding as to how we live our lives but I'm only one person and I can't fully explain everything. You have to be an Aspie to fully understand what it is like to live like one.

Update: I've added some more in as some thoughts occurred to me one day after a conversation on Autism.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-08-27
In the shoes of an Aspie by ~ObiWanSkywalker178 Suggester writes: Take a moment to peer through the eyes of someone with Asperger's: there are challenges and frustrations, but also benefits and rewards. Knowledge leads to understanding, and understanding leads to acceptance and respect. ( Suggested by HaveTales-WillTell and Featured by BeccaJS )
:iconronaether:
RonAether Featured By Owner Edited Apr 8, 2015
Hey! I myself am an Aspie (Never heard that term before. Nice :3), and I was wondering if you might want to shoot some notes back and forth about experiences and such. I've sort of learned to work with my talents and past my weaknesses, found a few newer ways of dealing with the craziness of the outside world, and if you'd like any advice or just want to talk to another neuroweirdo (=P), I'm here and glad to help :D



ALSO!!! Edit cause I'ma derp and I forgot to do dis the first time x3, this is incredibly well written. It's so... Gah. THIS IS AMAZINGLY TRUE! I had these problems ALL MY LIFE. That thing about absorbing emotions... Oh yeah. My parents and my teachers/classmates had me in a state of CONSTANT turmoil, and I tended to lash out and push people away when really all I wanted was some quiet :|. I've since learned, however, that you can use that talent to read and pick out people's thoughts to help them in MANY different ways. And I agree, life's hard sometimes. For me personally, it's been a little easier in the past year, once I accepted who I was and found out who my real friends were. I'm so so so happy for you, making the decision to take control of this insane highway from hell we call life =P. I hope you'll have an easier time of it going forward :D
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2015   Writer
Hey, (that term is quite frequent online just some don't like using that term)
Sure, I'd be happy to. It has been a couple of years since I wrote this though and I have matured and adapted much, becoming wiser in how to deal with both myself and the outside world.

Yes I learned that too (as in picking up on people's troubles and sussing out what is wrong) and used it to help many people out. Like I said, I wrote this in the beginning of my troubles. I got sick of having to trying to explain to people why I was different so I gave them the link to this page instead and told them, "It's too complicated to explain in simple words, just read this". But yeah, I had a similar experience to you during high school. I became obsessed with perfection and trying to prove that my disability wasn't a burden and that I was just as capable as a neuro-typical. As one can imagine, that didn't end well with an overwhelming fear of failure and impossibly high expectations. I became so consumed by rage, frustration, anxiety, and fear that I'm convinced I developed some form of depression with anger issues. It was only in my last weeks of school did I come to terms with myself and the world around me and I finally could relinquish this overwhelming burden that I forced upon myself.
Now that that part of my life is over and a whole new bundle of challenges face me (*sarcasm*adulthood is fun!). I'm actually planning a sequel (for lack of a better term) to this as I've noticed many more things that I forgot to mention in the shoes of an aspie. I'll be writing that whenever I have free time and motivation.
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:iconronaether:
RonAether Featured By Owner 6 days ago
OH x3 I didn't realize the date. I thought you were younger than me ._.
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner 6 days ago   Writer
Nah, that's fine. People make mistakes all the time :D it's what makes us human.
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:iconronaether:
RonAether Featured By Owner 1 day ago
:3
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:icontheawkwardfangirl:
TheAwkwardFangirl Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
How did I never notice this got a DD? I'm so proud of you, you totally deserve it, fellow Aspie! :D How have you been?
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014   Writer
I was drop dead surprised myself when I logged in and saw a few thousand messages!
Minus school and exams, great! How have you been?
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:icontheawkwardfangirl:
TheAwkwardFangirl Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
XD

I've been good, thanks. I just got done volunteering this summer; being a junior counselor at sumer camp for the younger kids. And it's great to not have to deal with school! :D
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2014   Writer
cool
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:iconnoratcat:
Noratcat Featured By Owner May 20, 2014
Wow. This is very accurate and I don't feel so isolated anymore. But despite knowing of my disability, my parents still had a tendency to be verbally and emotionally abusive towards me.
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner May 22, 2014   Writer
Thanks. I don't regret posting this online. I've been able to speak with many people both disabled and 'normal' and my horizons were broadened by the many comments.
I'm sorry if I sound blunt or rude but I cannot sympathise with your family experiences as although my parents may appear harsh (in my eyes that is) they have always been supportive. What I can say though is I am glad you managed to endure those hardships and humbled me by commenting on this work :)
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:iconnoratcat:
Noratcat Featured By Owner May 22, 2014
Well I do admit my parents were supportive and not completely abusive. It's just they had a tendency to be really impatient and aggressive, and often said things you really shouldn't say to your child. I would go into detail but I don't want to fill your page with my problems. I think though they did have good intentions. I believe they thought being tough with me would make me a stronger person, but failed to consider it might not work all the way.

Luckily I see a therapist now for those issues. I"m scarred but not completely broken

It feels good not to feel alone on the matters of being an aspie. Yet there are times I wonder if my traits are completely because of Asperger's Syndrome or not?
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner May 23, 2014   Writer
Kind of like with my parents however out of my family, only my mother is not autistic. Most of the arguments made are usually at the end of the day when everyone is tired and sick of putting up with my younger sibling's antics and the 'autistic stupidity' if you get what I mean. She and dad constantly argue. 98% of the time it's because of something dad or us kids did. I don't blame her for losing her temper though. She's been extremely patient and somehow stayed with dad and supports us children for what... over two decades now.
I must agree with you on your last point though, there's only so far one can push us before we go over the edge. But then again, we sometimes need to be pushed over the edge and made to do things outside our comfort zone. As much as we may hate it and no matter how hard our parents push us (sometimes a little too much) they're teaching us endurance. After going over the edge we either excel or break which either makes us stronger or scars us.

Good, you've reached out and getting help. I've found that many (not just aspies) have difficulty in asking for help. It's moreso difficult for us because for most we tend to bottle things up or when we try to speak we shut down and literally cannot talk. I don't know if this is a problem of yours but it has certainly hindered me at school especially when having too many assignments.

Everybody's traits are different. We may share common traits such as just about everything to do with social interaction. I've questioned my traits and noticed that my current dilemmas are a combination of being in mid-adolescence and Asperger's. The biggest I'm trying to rationalise right now is the whole romance and relationship concept.
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:iconthelastmanonearth21:
Thelastmanonearth21 Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
I'm an Aspie and this is brilliant.
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner May 4, 2014   Writer
Thanks for the fav and comment :)  I'm sick to death of trying to explain to some people what it's like as no matter which way you describe it, there is no true definition to what Asperger's is. It was challenging to write this as sure there are the common traits every Aspie shares however each said person's traits vary somewhat.
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:iconmidnighthobbit:
MidnightHobbit Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
I know you posted this a few years ago but wanted to comment.

I, too, am an Aspie... I just discovered this about myself last week and it has been fascinating yet draining. It feels like the weight of the world is gone from my shoulders... All of my frustrations at the moment have subsided and I am starting to discern when emotions are not mine.

Just today I kid you not but I literally felt a surge of frustrated energy before a kid let out a frustrated groan at his mom today. It can be a gift sometimes but I did not know how to hone in on this until a week ago.

I'm feeling a little crazy and overwhelmed figuring all of this out about myself but it's rewarding and know it helps me understand myself better instead of feeling like the world is against me. I know it never was but it felt like no matter what I did it was always "wrong" and would get me frustrated but now I know that is just part of me!

Thanks for this. Cheers! 
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2014   Writer
I was going to say something but it completely slipped my mind. Sorry about that.

Thank you for reading and your welcome :)
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:icondubstepwraith:
DubstepWraith Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Been one since I was born. Proud to have it, otherwise I could never think different and deviate from the norm. Some call it a curse, I call it a blessing to think on a deeper, scarier level.
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014   Writer
Firstly thanks for the fav, and yes I agree with you. I don't believe it to be a curse despite my thoughts when I'm stressed, frustrated, sad, anxious, or angry. When that happens, negative thoughts come down on me harder than a pile or bricks (see my "Anatomy of a Meltdown" and various other musings). Despite all that happens I still endure and persist and eventually I make it through.
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:icondubstepwraith:
DubstepWraith Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I don't know about you, but being an Aspie means that I have incredible attention to detail. It's why I'm the Safety Officer for the entire Air Force ROTC at my school. I can literally hone in on multiple targets and will not rest until I completed all of them.
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014   Writer
Yes same. Going by the senses, I've noticed many things that people overlook; insects crawling/flying about, which fan in the classroom needs to be readjusted because of a faint noise its making. All the little things. Then while I'm listening to my Ipod, if I concentrate or immerse myself into the music, I can identify who composed it and where it is from. I can also hone in on a particular instrument(s). I excel with texts and find exactly what I want quickly so long as I've read the document before. If not it takes a little longer. A very handy skill for assignments :)
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:icondubstepwraith:
DubstepWraith Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Same thing here, to be honest with you! Is it also weird that I can "see" sound with some sort of sonar ability? Like, I can both see where the sound is coming from as well as look at the soundwaves to find it. Aspie thing? Or something else? You're very gifted as well!
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014   Writer
Every aspie has their own unique experience. I don't "see" sound waves but I can feel music. Anything orchestral that is. Certain pieces I've listened to have given me shivers and make me feel deep inside as if I'm moving with the flow of the music. Apparently that experience is called "frisson". Also if I let my thoughts wonder I start day dreaming in my mind's eye. The experience is as real as doing something in real life. With dramatic music I could be wearing armour, wielding a sword against some enemy in a massive battle. With peaceful, I could be on a journey and come across a place that is serene. I often use these experiences for writing. Many a chapter I've concocted from a dream or one of those experiences.
Seems as though we're both gifted in unique ways. I must say, for all the evil we humans can cause, we are also very unique and beautiful in our own ways.
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:icondubstepwraith:
DubstepWraith Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I share the same experiences with you. And yes, we are. I could not agree with you more.
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:iconfox64664:
fox64664 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I possibly have asperger's I am fourteen year's old and the place my dad has to go to see is to long to or sumting else
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:iconmoonnight7:
MoonNight7 Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2013
Coming from someone who was diagnosed:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGciST…
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:iconangelghidorah:
AngelGhidorah Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013
This is really really good. I like it a lot. :D
Love and faves.
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013   Writer
no probs and good luck! :D
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:iconangelghidorah:
AngelGhidorah Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2013
Thank you. :D
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:iconchchcartoons:
CHCHcartoons Featured By Owner May 17, 2013
You've been teased by girls for having autism? I've been made fun of by 2 girls in college for having autism (well, for getting all the answers right in my English class). They've done it during class, and my teacher nor the students did nothing to stop them. Now I have this... I wouldn't call it hatred, but I do not want to be friends with women. In fact, I don't want to be friends with anyone period.
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner May 18, 2013   Writer
Yes and sadly it's happened to everyone and no matter what we try nothing will ever stop it as its in human nature to pick on others - survival of the fittest or something... but that doesn't mean we still can't try.
I can't say that I know how you feel as everybody has different experiences but I've gone through a whole year and a half where I became a true introvert and didn't let anyone near me, let alone become friends with any of the other girls in my class. And then I met a girl who we later became and still are best friends. We're literally inseparable. But anyways don't give up on the human race, we're not perfect and not all of us get along. Yes be wary of the people around you but try to be willing to at least get along with the others around you.
Maybe all you need is just a period of time to yourself, I don't know how long but that might work for you :)
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:iconchchcartoons:
CHCHcartoons Featured By Owner May 13, 2013
I hate having autism.
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner May 14, 2013   Writer
Yeah it sucks but there are some advantages of having it but then again everyone with autism each experiences it differently so I can't say for all.
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:iconcygam-7:
Cygam-7 Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2013   Traditional Artist
:hug: perfect summary of life as an Aspie
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2013   Writer
thanks I did try.
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:iconoldpbfan21:
oldpbfan21 Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my god i love this so much!!! THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING
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:iconkairi96-z:
Kairi96-Z Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
To tell the truth, I can't really understand the happiness (or pride, but I call it heppiness)-shame of having AS-concept. I see no point in being happy of it, since I didn't choose. I see no point in being ashamed of it for the same reason. I can be happy (proud) of something I've acheived, because that's a thing I did, that's my choise.
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013   Writer
Everybody has their own opinions, feelings and experiences. I just did this in my point of view.
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:iconminustwoseventhree:
minustwoseventhree Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
I don't get why you'd say you were "proud" of having it.
Really.
Proud? Are you joking? Sure, you can be proud of things you've done and challenges you've faced and overcome with it.
But why would you be proud of having Asperger's itself.
Like... huh.
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012   Writer
That's actually a really good question. It's really hard for me to explain but I'll try my best and I hope you can get an understanding of what I mean.

When a person does something it can change them and become a part of who they are. What I'm saying there is I accept the fact I have Aspergers as if I didn't have it I would be a different person. Yeah I may have had my moments where I hate myself and wonder why I was born with it but there are many more times that I love myself for it. Everything has its ups and downs including disabilities. Every aspect of you defines who you are.

So I guess the real answer to your question is instead of saying "I accept/respect the way I am" I said I am proud to have it which in my eyes is essentially the same meaning.
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:iconmisshoneywoo:
misshoneywoo Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Student General Artist
Ima aspie and proud :icondivaplz:
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:iconxiraqira:
XiraQira Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This describes me perfectly, every bit of it, it looks like something I've been wanting to write, but just couldn't. Especially the part about recalling bad experiences and becoming extremely upset and craving revenge. That part really got to me.

I remember one time when this girl said something rude about me on Facebook a couple years ago. At the time, I didn't do anything about it. But three years later, I remembered what she said, and I cussed her out real bad in an email I sent to her. I regret it now, that was really dumb of me, she probably thought I was really stupid. I just got so upset I couldn't control myself, at least she apologized, but she's always been mean to me. Glad she goes to another school now.

There are a lot of things that piss me off about my disorder, but I am thankful that I am skilled when it comes to my passions, cartoons and animation. I think, at the end of the day, all the disadvantages are worth the advantages. But I must say, social skills are very frustrating. Especially at school. Sometimes they get me so down (not being able to communicate "normally"), that they cloud my vision so I cannot see the brighter side.

My family doesn't help either, they just make fun of me or ignore me. I have some friends who understand me most of the time, but sometimes they just don't seem to get all of what I am trying to say. I feel I am on my own most of the time, only when everyone is just gone and quiet, I can focus on my passions and feel good about myself. Can't give up! None of us, we all do have something to feel good about, whether you realize it or not.
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012   Writer
cool

yeah I had a girl who bullied me through year 6 to yr 9 but she got expelled for many reasons. I'm so happy I have dealt with my bullying. I was bullied from yr 1 to yr 9 and now in yr 10 I am free from that burden and it feels great.

Yeah me too. I've discovered a joy for writing. I hate trying to socialise and especially work at places as I fear that I will stuff up which you do when you first start but you'd be embarrassing yourself, your store, your school and family and that just kinda overwhelms me.

Mine have helped me (minus my little brother who is an Aspie but annoys the crap out of me) I have a group of girls at school at practically we all have some form of a disability and we all share similar likes but as close as we all are I still feel distanced and like as if I can't trust anyone at times not even my closest best friend who knows me better than anyone.
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:iconxiraqira:
XiraQira Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, it sucks to be bullied. I wasn't bullied a whole lot, but virtually all of it took place at my snobby elementary school. I actually kind of turned into a bully myself, I became much more aggressive, I guess it was just a form of trying to feel powerful compared to those other girls, I admit, I have made my mistakes.

I know what you mean. I try to just shut myself off from everyone unless I know there are people I can talk to and feel comfortable with. I hate going out in public, especially just going with my mom to the store, I feel really embarrassed and overwhelmed because of my sensory issues. Restaurants too, I can't even order from a menu without looking stupid, I swear. I just hate interacting with people sometimes.

That's good that you can relate to someone in your family at least. And it's cool you have other friends with the same disorder. I know of a few people at my school who also have it, but I'm not friends with them. They seem to have a bunch of other friends who are the "cooler" kids. It seems like even other Aspies that I know are really popular and fit right in with the rest of the "mainstream" crowd. *Sigh...* Guess some of us are better at fitting in with the neurotypicals than others.
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012   Writer
Yeah I can get what you mean I try so hard not to get angry but in doing so I don't show all emotions I'm feeling. I have never cried in sadness. EVER! I have cried during a meltdown or out of frustration or laugher/happiness and only once out of fear when I was young but never out of sadness.

Yeah but its kinda strange I love having alone time and I have to have it and my alone time is spent either on the PS3 playing games or on the laptop on the net or watching movies. However I also like spending time with a group or just a couple to one other person/people. I can never go to socials/disco's because when I hear loud noises (especially doff dofff music (pop etc)) I get headaches and later disorientation so that kinda sucks cause when we have a small party at school or during a class and people start dancing I can't. Yeah I have fun during a line dance such as the Maracina or the nutbush but when it comes to just dancing its... I can't quite explain it. I do know how to dance as its just movement but I don't know how to dance if you get what I mean. I don't have the experience or knowledge of how to dance.

My dad and older sister have aspergers too so I'm no stranger to autism or any Autism-spectrum disorders. In my group we have william's syndrome, some form of epilepsy, an Aspie, and a person who is suspected to have mild bipolar and maybe other things too and then a normal person oh and a really annoying ADD girl so yeah we have a wide variety of different people. I can fit in with everybody but I'm one to keep my distance; still friendly and willing to help or lead but reserved. The one thing I love about my school is that yeah there may be the groups and there may be bullying but just about everyone is friendly; its like as if the school is a big family or a small community which is awesome. I am seriously going to miss my school when I graduate.
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:iconxiraqira:
XiraQira Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I've cried in sadness only once, but it was when my cousin got murdered, so yeah...I usually cry during meltdowns or anger too. The best example is math problems, if I get stuck on a math problem because it's really overwhelming and confusing, I start burning up and I get teary eyed, it's so aggravating.

Oh yeah, I can never go to dances and big social occasions, too loud and I never know anybody. Parties are the worst, if it isn't just a small little birthday party for one of my friends, then I can't handle it. I can't dance either, the last thing I want to be is the center of attention.

My school is kind of like a family, it's a small charter high school, so everyone is nice to each other (it seems like), there's virtually no bullying, I'm glad for that at least. I still hate school though. I am excited to graduate, then I can finally go off on my own, away from my annoying family. At the same time though, I am a bit scared to go out on my own, know what I mean? Yeah, no one else in my family has Asperger's. My dad says he thinks he has a few symptoms of it, but that's all. My older sister is bipolar though, and we have a lot in common, actually.
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:iconobiwanskywalker178:
ObiWanSkywalker178 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012   Writer
I mostly get frustrated when I'm angry or can't do something and yeah I get how you feel I seriously hate problem solving or stuff I don't understand.

Yeah it sucks.

My school is a small one sex private school and its awesome. Yeah I know what you mean I was watching the seniors on muck-up day and at speech night and I got a really funny feeling and terror course through me as I thought 'holy shit I'll be there in 2 years time!'
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:iconxiraqira:
XiraQira Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Uh huh, I find that every time and am forced to make a tough decision, I get upset at that too.

I will be a senior next year...It does feel exciting, but scary at the same time.
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